REPRIMAND HANDED DOWN FROM COMMISH BELL

Tweeted by: Ochocinco News Network***

MOUNT BAKER (AP) - No one has ever questioned commissioner Bell's ability to do what's right for the league. Where the greatest criticism lies is what some call 'a jelly doughnut softness' against some of the leagues more vocal owners.

On Tuesday night, Bell silenced those critics with a move that came as a 'poop your pants surprise' and left the league thinking 'damn Bell.' Just before midnight, Bell issued a letter to Shawn Belyea with a fine from the league offices in reaction to his post-game tirades following the Masons Week 1 loss to the Soup Can. Below are extracted statements from the letter...

"Dear Shawn Belyea -

Let me begin by saying, your contribution to this league has been nothing short of groundbreaking. The professionalism of the Freemasons on and off the fantasy field is a standard for all of us to work by... 

However, you were fully aware of Ammendment 19A - No Excessive Whining, Ammendment 44W - Faulty Management Does Not Mean There's A Problem With the Scoring System, and the Brady Rule which states the obvious fact that if you have Tom Brady and the rest of your team grossly underperforms there's still a good chance you'll lose the game... therefore, it gives me no pleasure to enforce the following disciplinary measures... $100 fine for excessive whining and a statistical handcuff - Brady's touchdowns are now worth 2 points for the Masons rather than the league standard of 4 points and he receives no points for yardage...

Again, your contributions are invaluable and we wish you the best of luck in trying to win as a team unit, rather than using one player as a crutch.

Long may your Pabst flow,

BELL"

We were unable to reach Coach Belyea for reaction to the league action. However we were able to speak with several Freemasons. Tom Brady commented, "Yeah, I was good on Monday night... fantastic in fact... but Belyea has me on a team with Sims-Walker, Marcedes Lewis and defensive players who score ZERO points... what the fuck does he expect!?!? I'm good... but not a god damn miracle worker!!!"

More on this as it develops.  

*** Not actually Tweeted by the Ochocinco News Network