Could This Be What is Happening to the Woodinville K-911s?

This article is stolen from the news
From: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3188717/Players-drinks-spiked-by-rival.html

PLAYERS' DRINKS "SPIKED" BY RIVALS?


Collapse ... a player is treated after fainting during crunch football match

FOUR football players fainted during a soccer promotion match after being given drinks allegedly laced with sedatives.

Peruvian side Hijos de Acosvinchos lost nearly half their side during the clash after gulping down energy drinks in beakers handed to them by an opposing team coach during a break in play.

 TV images showed the players falling to the pitch one by one and teammates confronting rivals Sport Ancash over suspicions they were the victims of a dirty trick.  One star collapsed seconds after the game was restarted after a teammate had been rushed away by ambulance amid fears he had an undetected heart condition.

Hospital tests later revealed the players had traces of a sleep-inducing tranquilliser in their blood.

Sport Ancash went on to win the match 3-0 and secure promotion.  Football chiefs have been asked to launch a probe and put the move on hold.

Hijos de Acosvinchos boss Americo Ibanez said: "My boys say Ancash medical staff gave them a liquid which made them feel dizzy and faint.  When they returned the bottles so the other team could drink from them as well, someone snatched them out of their hands."

"We want the authorities to investigate this and prove where this substance came from. We're intending to launch a formal complaint."

Sport Ancash president Pepe Mallqui blamed the players' illness on a heavy meal he claimed they had eaten before Sunday's match.

He said: "They ate barbecued chicken with spices and ended up taking indigestion tablets afterwards.

"I'm sure these four men fainted because of that and the physical effort they put in."

** THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN TIPPED OFF WHEN THE DRINK WAS IN A "BEAKER". Coach Olsen needs to be sure these drinks (probably coming from Royale W/Cheese Coach Robertson..this article is from South America) stay out of his oft-injured players hands.  Also, might be best for Olsen to cut the pre-game bbq chicken, just to be safe.

TIE-TROVERSY

COMMISH BELL SPEAKS ABOUT TIES

League Headquarters, WA- An emergency meeting of team owners was called to order this last Tuesday to discuss the outcome of the Fluffernutter-Felons game.

"We had a little problem," Commish Bell said, "The game ended in a tie.  The tiebreaker system on ESPN had yet to be used/paid attention to.  Whew, doggie.  Did I get an earful!"

Most of that came from Rainier Valley Felons coach Jason Harber.

"Somehow we had a loss, in a TIED game.  It was surreal.  I had my people talking to the league right away."

Commish Bell called the meeting to order, and in typical Seattle Blue Ribbon style, only 8 of 12 teams voted...AND the vote ended in a tie.

"I got shit to do.  Ties are it," Bell announced to the media.

But then, in a baffling move, the Elias Sports Bureau, while rechecking the stats from the weekend, found an anomaly.  They realized that Felons DB Lawyer Malloy actally had 2 sacks in his game, not 1 as was listed.  This change gave the Felons 4 points...and the Win.

"I am not sure how the hell it happened," Harber said, "We will take it though.  The Fluff are a damn good team, so to get a win against them....we will take that however we can get it."

The win is now in the standings, and the game goes down as the GAME OF THE YEAR thus far in the Blue Ribbon League.

The Felons (6-0) will look to keep their win streak alive (11 games in a row so far) as they head to Ballard to play the Kittens (2-4).  The Kittens are on a winning streak as well, after snatching wins in conference games the last two weeks.

NOT IN ATTENDANCE AT LEAGUE MEETING:
- Trick Danneker.  Excused from meeting because the League acknowledged it wouldn't listen to him anyway.
- Ben Holicky.  Excused from meeting because he is in Colorado working out a potential deal with Coors Light to become League sponsor in 2011.
- Jeff Pierson.  Excused because everyone is a little afraid of Jeff this year.  His team is performing well, and he seems like a mastermind. 
- Andrew Miller.  "What?  A meeting?"  Miller sent in his vote via carrier pigeon.
-Zach Gaul.  Excused from the meeting, as he typically uses Tuesday-Sunday to retire.

STUDS OF THE WEEK: Week 6

The Studs have been named...how many came from your team?

2010 COACH RATINGS: Updated

We are updated again!  See how your team rates in this weeks rankings.

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS: Week 6

The All-Time Coaching Records and Scoring marks are updated.  Enjoy.

MEET THE COACH: Chris Bell, Soup Can

BELL BLEEDS SOUP CAN RED (Photo Taken After Loss to Kittens)

1.  Give us a few thoughts on your season thus far:

With the high expectations heading into the season I should've been fired this week.

2.  Anything you would change about your strategy coming into the season?

I would've kept, and traded, Ahmad Bradshaw and Tim Hightower for Tony Romo. Trick may have kept both of those players.

3.  Who is your favorite team/coach to beat?  Why?

The easy answer is Trick, but I'm going to say Shawn Belyea. We lost our first contest this season, but sweeping him last year was sweet.

4.  Which team/coach is your least favorite to face?  Why?

Harber. He is the Yankees to my Twins. As the columnists say, he's "Soup-vincible."

5.  You are one of only 3 coaches to make the post-season all three years (with Trick and Cam)...what are the chances you make it this year?  What will have to change?

The percentages of us making the playoffs are low, but I feel we have the players to score points and make a run. If you look at the numbers; we lost to Belyea on overnight scoring, Harber scored a monster +150 to our equally dangerous +130 and we lost by 5 points to the Kittens with MJD and Manning scoring a total of 15 points. I have confidence that, when the regular season ends, we'll be among the top six.

6.  Favorite memory of the league you have presided over as Commish?

Our drafts at the Sloop Tavern. Moving the draft to Kiss Cafe this year was like the NFL moving from Radio City Music Hall to a piss smelling alley in the Bronx. Sure, some people may benefit from it (Cameron) but the overall magic is lost.

7. What turns you on, in fantasy football?

The upsets. Abbott (6th seed) making a playoff run in '08 and Harber (6th seed) making a playoff run last season were both exciting... despite my team being a road bump in both cases.

8. What turns you off in fantasy football?

Belyea leading the Ballard Division at the moment... but this will change.

9. What is your favorite curse word  How do you use it in Fantasy Football?

Pickle Shoes. As in, "Ah, pickle shoes, how has Trick won more games than me?!?!

10. What team other than yours would you like to attempt to coach?

The now defunct ScammyFlammyMammy... best team (and one of our highest scoring teams) to never win a championship.

11. What team would you not like to coach?

The now defunct Providence Phatties... lots of personal conduct issues going on there. Rumor has it that Carson Palmer texted lewd pictures of himself to Harber... I don't have time to deal with that.

12. If heaven exists and God plays fantasy football, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

"You're late so we had to auto-draft for you. You got Neil Rackers in the first round and Rashaan Salaam in the second... sorry, dude."

MOSS HEADED BACK TO MOUNT BAKER?

Mount Baker, WA-  In a move that would surprise many in the Fantasy Football world, it seems that Randy Moss is likely to be traded back to the Mount Baker Soup Can.  Moss started his Seattle Blue Ribbon League career in Mount Baker, but currently is still property of the Freemasons.

Fighting Freemasons coach Shawn Belyea, known around the league for his "win now no matter the cost" mentality  (i.e. cutting fan fave Julius Peppers after a string of sub-par performances...Peppers then went to the Felons and a Championship season) has become quite frustrated with the star.   It is rumored that Belyea tried to talk to Moss at halftime of the Freemasons blowout win over the Manti, but Moss refused to talk to him.  Moss was upset with Belyea's reliance on running back Chris Johnson (25 pts) as the Freemasons played ball control offense for most of the game.

After the game, Moss was asked about Belyea, "Who?  I don't know no coach but Coach Bell of the Soup Can.  I just want to let people know that there's nothing between us but love. But, him and me reuniting would be like a Cinderella story."

When told of Belyea's joy of fining players, Moss said, "Let him. Ain't nothing but 10 grand. What's 10 grand to me?”

Moss will be moved, the question is just when.  Belyea would need a top-rate WR in the deal, and that is a position of strength for the Soup Can.

"You have reached the voicemail for Shawn Belyea, " Belyea said when reached by phone.

Bell though, was much more open to chat, "He can receive. Receivers by definition should receive. Just the fact that he is a bigger in stature guy, and can run, has the ability to go down and get the deep-ball...I mean, we run two plays in this offense.  Hand off to Jones-Drew, and Deep Ball.  We would welcome him back with open arms."

STUDS OF THE WEEK: Week 5

The Studs are updated!  Just check out the STUDS OF THE WEEK Page in the top right.  The MANTI take sole possession of the MOST STUDS award...where do you rank?

2010 COACH RATINGS: Updated

We here at STATS INC. have updated the Coach Ratings!  Jeff Pierson has leapt up to tie for the top spot, after a slight change to the formula.  We wanted to account for the unluckiness of some coaches, so this we we added "Points Against" as a 6th category to average from.  We call the Chris Bell Clause (Not to be confused with the Tim Allen movie).

If we look at the Numbers: The SOUP CAN have had 634 points scored against them this season.  That averages out to 126.8 points/game.  That is especially interesting when you see that only 503.5 (100.7 points/game).  In real life football, this would be attributed to great defense...but this is fantasy football, and the schedule plays a big part.  Coach Bell has played two of the top 3 scoring teams this season...and the coach rating should account for the schedule.

So, we ranked the team with the most points against as the "Most Unlucky" and gave the Soup Can a #1 ranking in the catergory, while the Felons got a #12 rank for having the most "luck".

Last week, the team with the higher 2010 Coach Rating won 5 of the 5 games...so our formula is proven thus far.  We will continue to tweak it as we try to rank correctly the strength of each team.

Let us know if you have any ideas!

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS: Week 5

The All Time Coaching records are updated...quite a few teams sliding up and down.

CHAMPION FELONS VISIT WHITE HOUSE, THEN BRING THE HOUSE AGAINST SOUP CAN

Rainier Valley, WA- The Rainier Vally Felons visited the White House as guests of President Obama and to celebrate their 2009-2010 Seattle Blue Ribbon League Championship.

Here is an excerpt from Presidents Obama's remarks:

THE PRESIDENT: "Welcome, and congratulations to the 2009 Seattle Blue RibbonChampions -– the Rainier Valley Felons. (Applause.)

Congratulations to General Manager and Coach Jason Harber, for building this extraordinary championship squad.

Congratulations to your outstanding head coach, Jason Harber, who’s done just great work. (Applause.) I must point out Jason is a Minnesota guy. (Laughter.) You’ve got to be tough to be a Minnesota guy. I make some tough decisions every day, but I never decided to play Maurice Morris at RB in the Fun Bowl. (Applause.) That took some guts.

So this was an unbelievable season. After years of frustration, the Felons finally won the big one.  But I think we all know that this season meant far more than that to the Rainier Valley region – and to all Americans, really.

Look, I’m a Counselor fan. I’m not going to lie. (Laughter.) But this was a big win for the country -- not just for Rainier Valley -- this team plays its entire season in a prison. They can't afford a field– but they took their city’s hands and helped its city back on its feet. This team took the hopes and the dreams of a shattered city and placed them squarely on its shoulders.

And so these guys became more than leaders in the locker room -– they became leaders of an entire region. And the victory parade that we saw earlier this year made one thing perfectly clear, that Rainier Valley and the Rainier Valley Felons are here to stay."

Following the ceremony, the Felons flew to Mount Baker to take on the unlucky Mount Baker Soup Can.  The game marked a repeat matchup of last season's championship game.

In that game, Coach Bell caused a stir when he said, "They are a dirty team.  They stole our belongings from the locker room, the hubcaps from our bus, and the wives of our defensive line. But, our guys did a great job of keeping their poise and composure and not getting drawn into a big unsportsmanlike game because I know that’s what they were trying to entice us into doing.”

"We play aggressive — we don't play cheap," Felons coach Harber said. "If there's things after the whistle or during the play or missing from the locker room, players are fined for them. But we're not a cheap football team. I don't know what he's referring to.  We did have some of our guys accidentally have sex with wives of Soup Can Players. Maybe he's referring to that.  That, I will apologize for...but I can't help it that Julius Peppers is an amazing mother-lover."

The Felons took playing aggressive to the field, and dominated both sides of the ball in a 157-134.5 win.  On offense for the Felons, all but the injured Steve Smith scored in double figures.  Anonio Gates (26 pts) and Rashard Mendenhall (19pts) lead the way as the offense put up 88 points.  To put that number in perspective, 88 points would have beat four other TEAMS this week.  On defense, the Felons defensive line put up 28 pts, and the linebackers were all over the field scoring 26pts.

The Soup Can performed well in this shootout, and in fact put up enough points to beat all but 3 other teams this week.  Unfortunate luck for a team that seems to be kicking it into high gear heading into week 5.  In the game with the Felons, Peyton Manning (20 pts) and Maurice Jones Drew (23 pts) hit their stride.  A less than solid performance from the wide receivers did not help, but Kicker Nate Kaeding (12 points) and the linebacking team of Jonathan Vilma and Paris Lennon (21 pts between the two) picked up the slack.

The Felons (4-0) head home to face the much improved and much healthier Woodinville K-911s (2-2).  The Soup Can (1-3) will look to keep putting up big points as they travel to play the Ballard Kittens (0-4).

FAVRE CUT, TAKES REVENGE

Written By: Brian "The Boz" Bosworth

FAVRE LAMENTS LEAVING THE COUNSELOR

Richard City, TN- "
“I am officially cut from the Seattle Blue Ribbon League and the Counselor. And as much as I thought about what I would say… and how… (chokes up)… I promised I wouldn’t get emotional," Favre said before The Counselor's game again Fluffernutter, "I played a long time, had a great career up to this point, and can walk away with my head as high as anyone else, but Richard...I can't believe Richard would do this to me."

Favre was, of course, referring to Counselor Coach Richard Council.  Favre and Council have a long history.  He was Council's best man at his wedding, and the Godfather of Council's son Brett Richard Favre Council.  But Council, in an effort to jump start his team, had to let the veteran go.

"We got a guy (Mark Sanchez) that's going to be the quarterback here for the next 10 years probably. And Brett Favre's a great player. Last year, those statistics, I kept saying, 'That can't be right," Council stated, ""If we never drafted Mark Sanchez, there would have never been any cutting of my best friend Brett Favre. I can say that absolutely. And maybe nobody knows it or whatever, but I can promise you that's how I was feeling."

Council does have Mark Sanchez, but went with the experienced Michael Vick against the undefeated Fluffernutter.  Vick, though, was hurt in the first quarter, when a pair of Wrangler Jeans was thrown from the stands...causing a rib injury knocking Vick out of the game.

"“It's the hand Council had dealt. He put himself in this position, and he's got to find a way to get out of it," Favre replied when questioned about his role in the attack.

After Vick collapsed, so did the Counselor.  The Counselor scored only 10 points on offense in the game, and if not for a huge game from Charles Woodson (24 points) the Counselor would have set a record for least points scored in the history of the Blue Ribbon League.

Fluffernutter, notorious for playing to the level of the competition they face, grinded out a win behind 20 points from QB Kyle Orton and 14 points from TE Dustin Keller.  It was the lowest score output for the Fluff this season, but the team still escaped with the victory over the division opponent.

The Counselor (1-3) will try to regroup this week at home against a struggling Riggins (1-3) team.  Fluffernutter (4-0) will look to keep their winning streak alive as they host the upstart Purple Hurricanes (3-1).

NEW PAGE CREATED!

Ladies and Gents,

There is a new page for you to check out, The 2010 Coach Rankings.  These rankings don't reflect the standings, but rather are a way to dig inside of the stats to determine who the strongest teams are.  We do so by ranking how many points they are scoring, their depth, etc.

CHECK OUT THE PAGE IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER!

Here are descriptions of the 5 Categories that teams/coaches were ranked in:

1. Points Per Game:  This is exactly what it looks like, the amount of points per game each team has scored thus far.  We can't control the schedule, so points are a great way to look at a team.  For instance, the Soup Can put up 134.5 pts this week, and lost. They put up huge points, but got unlucky with the schedule, having to play the top scoring team of the week.

2. Optimal Lineup Points Per Game:  This is a measure of what each team would have scored with their highest point getters in.  It gives us a way of looking at depth, but in a way of points that would actually matter.  For instance, having a running back on your bench score 12 points is worthless if your other two scored more.  SO for this stat, I looked at benches and if a WR on the bench had more than one in the starting lineup (I call these "usable bench points"), they factored in to the Optimal Score.  I.E. Bench WR scores 7, the two starters score 2 pts and 10 pts.  I would drop the 2pts and put in the 7pt, in order to see what each team was scoring with their perfect lineup.

3. Total Bench Points: Again, it is exactly what it looks like.  It is the total amount of points each team has scored on the bench.  It shows depth as well, however is a bit deceiving.  For instance, Fluffernutter has been stashing 2 suspended players on the bench.  A smart move now that they are back, but they put up 0 points all season.  So just because a team has more bench points, they aren't necessarily the deepest team.

4. Percentage of Optimal Points Scored:  This is a way to judge how well each coach is doing at putting the best possible lineup in each week.  It doesn't account for how many points each team is putting up...rather it ranks the coaches on their decision making.  The higher percentage, the lower amount of points that coach leaves on the bench.  For example, the Hurricanes have put up 522.5 points.  The Optimal points they could have scored is 544.  So, Jeff has an efficiency of 96.05%.

5. Playoff Seed: This is the actual playoff seeds as of this moment according to  ESPN.com.

To find the COACH RANKINGS, each team was ranked in each category and then we took the average ranking to determine the standings.

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS: Week 4

The coaching history has been updated...be sure to check it out.

STUDS OF THE WEEK: Week 4

The Studs are named for week Four.  A Three way tie up top for the team lead...