STINKERS OF THE WEEK: Updated

Something smells over here...it is the STINKERS OF THE WEEK page.  Be sure to check out the page in the right side bar in order to see if your team could use a shower.

STUDS OF THE WEEK: Updated

A new leader has emerged in Stud Land...and it is not who you think it is!  Go see where your team ranks.

Individual Player Awards: Offense & Defense UPDATED

The results are in for the first 3 weeks.  See who is setting the pace and is in position to claim the $10 prize for each spot!

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS & POWER RATINGS: Updated

It is time to see where you rank again...give the pages a peek.

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS & POWER RATINGS: Updated

Who can now call themselves the all-time winningest coach in Blue Ribbon League History?
Who has scored more points per game than any other coach?
Who is the top team in this week's Power Ratings?

The answer to these questions and more can be found on the pages in the sidebar on the right of your screen!

As a side note, teams with a higher Power Rating won 5 of the 6 games last week.  Only the K-911s lost to a lesser ranked team, and that was only by .5 point!

The Blog Predictor went 4-2 on the week.  The Predictor was wrong about the Pretty Boys stealing a victory from the Freemasons, and also picked the Soup Can to upset the Fluffernutter.

WEEK 2: Predictions

PRETTY BOYS vs. FREEMASONS
The Pretty Boys will look to even the all-time series against the Freemasons (3-2-1 against the Pretty Boys).  The Masonic lodge is a tough place to play, and neither of these teams wants to fall to 0-2 on the season.
PREDICTION: Pretty Boys 118 vs Freemasons 112

FELONS vs K-911s
The Felons are 4-1 all-time against their division rival the K-911s.  But this is a new year for the K-911s who are coming off of a big victory in week 1.  The K-911s get back their staring RB Arian Foster this week, while the Felons most likely won't have Steven Jackson.  If Kevin Kolb and Kenny Britt can recapture week 1 magic, the K-911s have a chance.
PREDICTION: Felons 121 vs K-911s 120

RIGGINS vs ROOMMATES
Riggins is looking lost.  Coach Holicky is lost enough to start Rex Grossman.  That can't bode well for the winless Riggins squad.  Meanwhile, the Roommates look to move to 2-0 and stay atop the Columbia City Division.
PREDICTION: Riggins 96 vs Roommates 125

COUNSELOR vs MANTI
The Counselor only has a winning record against two teams, the now defunct Ballard Kittens (3-0) and the Manti (4-1).  In this clash of the two least winning teams in league history, the Counselor should have a good chance to move to 5-1 against the Manti...as the Manti most likely will start at least one player who will not play.
PREDICTION: Counselor 105 vs Manti 91

SOUP CAN vs. F:LUFFERNUTTER
This prime time matchup is the other battle of unbeatens in week 2 (the other being the Felons/K-911s).  Fluffernutter looked like a juggernaut last week by putting up over 160 points.  The Soup Can won a tough battle against the arch enemy Freemasons.  The Soup lead the all-time series 3-2, but find themselves a 20 point underdog.
PREDICTION: Soup Can 130 vs Fluffernutter 132

MARQUEE MATCHUP: Royale W/Cheese VS. Purple Hurricanes

12 fans die in 'Explosive Offense' stunt

Tweeted by: the Ochocinco News Network***

Coach Cam has been know for his explosive offenses since the inception of the league in 2008. As the leagues all-time highest scoring team, he has a skill for bringing in the "home run hitting" players and mixing them with the steady big scores of Aaron Rodgers and Andre Johnson. His prolific scoring has landed him in the playoffs each of the three years this league has existed, the only team to have done so. In other words, Coach Cam is consistently scoring fantasy dreams.

This past season, Coach Cam may have met his rival with the rebuilt Purple Hurricanes, led by the masterful managerial skills of Coach Pierson. Last season Coach-P was met with a chorus of boos with the keeper selection of Hakeem Niks and the drafting Darren McFadden. All skeptics were 'caned' when the team went on to lead the league in regular season scoring and record. They then went on to beat the Masons in the Blue Ribbon Bowl, a moment Coach-J called, 'whimsical' and 'like fairies and sprites doing a dance above my head.'

To amp up the excitement for this weeks action, the two coaches combined forces to put on a fireworks display that would 'blow you up like how our scoring blows other teams up.' The event was dubbed a 'fan appreciation blow up'. Blowing up they did, as they used a dangerous amount of fireworks after which chaos ensued, killing 12 fans and injuring 44.

"All I remember is Coach-J yelling, 'Who likes explosive scoring,'" said one of the injured, "He then stood behind a protective shield with Coach Cam as they detonated the explosives... oh, the horror... I can't find my wife... no one knows where she is..."

"Coach Cam said he put a firework out there for every point his team has scored in the past three plus years," said another victim, "Good lord... that was like... 4,000 fireworks in an area no bigger than a front yard... a fan next to me gave me a look of fear... then his head was blown off... and all of the carnage... this is a day I never want to relive."

When asked for comment, Coach Cam was passed out on a couch. Coach-J made himself available and stated, "Yeah... our bad... we honestly didn't consider how many fireworks we were using... or the danger behind it... I mean, we did because we got ourselves a protective shield... but shit happens... sometimes you get steam rolled by a high octane offense in this life... AM I RIGHT!?!?"

BLOG PREDICTION: PURPLE HURRICANES over the EDDIE ROYALE w/ CHEESE 145-137

***NOT ACTUALLY tweeted by the Ochocinco News Network

WEEK 1 ROUND UP: Part Two

WEAKEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK:  PRETTY BOYS 89.5 vs. FELONS 127
The Pretty Boys hate going to the State Pen to play the Felons.

"First of all, hindsight being 20/20, we should have been here in time to play the first quarter," Coach Danneker said.  "Last time we showed up on time, our wives were fondled, our wallets stolen, and our players pelted with soap-on-a-rope.  No way were we showing up before we absolutely had to."

The Pretty Boys arrived at the State Pen in the second quarter of the game, and found themselves down by 15.5 points.

"Dammit.  How did we only score 15.5 when they weren't even here.  We need to catch the ball better when there is no defense.  Find our rythm.  We kept thinking they would show up mid-play, so we would audible out of our plays, and just take a knee," Harber exclaimed from the warden's office above the field.

Maybe the pretty boys shouldn't have shown up at all.  The Felons scored 111.5 points once they did...or an average of  just over 37 points each quarter.

"I can't explain why we were twice as good once they showed up," Harber said, "But we are sure glad they did.  The State Pen can always use a few more Pretty Boys.  They bring out the best in us!"

The Felons had their way with the Pretty Boys on Offense and Defense, top and bottom, pitching and catching.  The Pretty Boys did outperform the Felons in the kicking game...but Pretty Boy Billy Cundiff couldn't score enough to make up the difference.

The Felons will steal a bus and travel to Woodinville in week 2 to play the upstart K-911s.  The Pretty Boys will redo their make-up and head out to play the Fighting Freemasons.

OTHER WEEK 1 HAPPENINGS

K-911S 136 vs. MANTI 113

The Manti surprisingly put a full squad together...and still came up short.  The K-911s followed LeSean McCoy's 25 pts to a victory.  Several people believed the K-911s may have made a mistake when trading QB Phillip Rivers for McCoy, but coach Lou Olsen has erased all doubts.  Kevin Kolb started his first game as a signal caller for the K-911s, and promptly put up 19 pts.  The K-911s with solid QB play could make them a favorite in the Queen Anne Division

ONE STOP SHOP FOR COUNSELOR INFO & WATCHES

SOUP CAN 123.5  vs. FREEMASONS 117

These rivalry games always go down to the wire.  The Soup Can ran out to a lead in the 3rd quarter, and held on for dear life as Freemason QB Tom Brady went to work.  Brady put up 34 points, to lead all scorers, but the Soup Can defense was simply too much for the Freemasons to take.  The Soup Can defense, nicknamed the Cream of Mushroom, put up 60.5 points in the game.  Those points proved to be the difference.

HURRICANES 147 vs. COUNSELOR 112

The Hurricanes smashed the Counselor.  The Counselor tried, but not hard enough.  No one was surprised by this result.


Stay tuned for exclusive Week 2 previews and predictions!

WEEK 1 ROUND UP: Part One

First things first, the Blue Ribbon Blog did correctly pick the winner of both games previewed.  So, if we pick against you...watch out!

GAME OF THE WEEK:  OCHOCINCO ROOMATES 108.5 vs. ROYALE W/CHEESE 107.5
This game went down to the wire.  Both teams lost players to injuries, but continued to battle on.  There were 3 players who posted ZERO points due to injury.  The game started to look like a Woodinville K-911 intra-squad scrimmage with all of the ambulances on the field.

On the opening kickoff, Cheese Kicker Nate Kaeding kicked a rocket.  Literally.  He kicked a rocket that then exploded not only his leg, but flew far enough to also explode Roommates Eric Berry and Elvis Dumervil.  Berry took the rocket off of his knee (which in turn exploded) and Dumervil took some shrapnel to his shoulder but continued to attempt to play with only one arm.

Even with the Roommates missing two of their 6 defensive players, the Cheese simply couldn't score enough for the win.  Cheese RB DeAngelo Williams was completely sickened by the "rocket incident" scoring just 3 points, but TE Zach Miller felt even worse.  Miller scored only two points for the Cheese, after his vomiting on the sideline caused a fumble from Jeremy Maclin.  Maclin caught the pass, slipped in the vomit, and fumbled the ball while starting to vomit himself.

All in all, the Cheese outscored the Roommates on both Offense (69-65) and Defense (41.5-36.5), but lost the game on special teams.  Hall of Fame bound kicker Josh Brown nailed a field goal as time expired to get the expansion Roommates their first win.

The Cheese will try to lose the mold as they travel to play the defending Champion Hurricanes.  The Roommates will look to continue to pay rent as they host Riggins.

BEST PERFORMANCE: FLUFFERNUTTER 165.5 vs RIGGINS  107
The Fluffernutter wanted to get out to a fast start this season, and boy did they ever!  The Fluff dropped 165.5 points on Riggins, and the scary thing was that they still had two guys on the bench that would have added another 10 pts!  Riggins was outscored in every facet of this game, which led coach Holicky to say:


Holicky: We couldn't do diddley-poo offensively. We couldn't make a first down. We didn't run the ball. We didn't try to run the ball. We couldn't complete a pass. We sucked. We sucked. It was a horsesass performance in the second half. Horsesass. I'm totally embarrassed, and I'm totally ashamed. We got our ass kicked in the second half. It sucked. It stunk. Cause they just blocked better, were more tougher, more physical, coached better, did everything better. We sucked.
Reporter: Well, do you think you can right the ship and get back to the playoffs?
Holicky: Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs. Are you kidding me? Playoffs? I'm just hoping we can win a game. One. Game.


Riggins looked loss without their top receiver Larry Fitzgerald.  Fitz and QB Matt Schaub were traded at the draft to the Soup Can, and the two players they received back (Peyton Manning and Dez Bryant) did not even play in the game.  Meanwhile, the Fluffernutter still would have won this game even with their WORST scorers in.  The final score of that game would have been 124-107.

The Fluffernutter will look to continue their nutty scoring as they play host to the Soup Can.  Riggins will try and trade away any player who scored more than 10 pts, and then travel to play the Ochocinco Roommates.

STINKERS OF THE WEEK: Updated

The Stinkers of the Week have been updated!  Make sure no one on your team smells...

Individual Player Awards: Offense & Defense UPDATED

On the sidebar to the right, you can see how your players stand in the Individual Player categories.  Remember, each position winner gets $10!  But, they only accumulate points when in the starting line-up.  Players do not transfer points to new teams...but they can be reacquired to continue scoring for your team!

REPRIMAND HANDED DOWN FROM COMMISH BELL

Tweeted by: Ochocinco News Network***

MOUNT BAKER (AP) - No one has ever questioned commissioner Bell's ability to do what's right for the league. Where the greatest criticism lies is what some call 'a jelly doughnut softness' against some of the leagues more vocal owners.

On Tuesday night, Bell silenced those critics with a move that came as a 'poop your pants surprise' and left the league thinking 'damn Bell.' Just before midnight, Bell issued a letter to Shawn Belyea with a fine from the league offices in reaction to his post-game tirades following the Masons Week 1 loss to the Soup Can. Below are extracted statements from the letter...

"Dear Shawn Belyea -

Let me begin by saying, your contribution to this league has been nothing short of groundbreaking. The professionalism of the Freemasons on and off the fantasy field is a standard for all of us to work by... 

However, you were fully aware of Ammendment 19A - No Excessive Whining, Ammendment 44W - Faulty Management Does Not Mean There's A Problem With the Scoring System, and the Brady Rule which states the obvious fact that if you have Tom Brady and the rest of your team grossly underperforms there's still a good chance you'll lose the game... therefore, it gives me no pleasure to enforce the following disciplinary measures... $100 fine for excessive whining and a statistical handcuff - Brady's touchdowns are now worth 2 points for the Masons rather than the league standard of 4 points and he receives no points for yardage...

Again, your contributions are invaluable and we wish you the best of luck in trying to win as a team unit, rather than using one player as a crutch.

Long may your Pabst flow,

BELL"

We were unable to reach Coach Belyea for reaction to the league action. However we were able to speak with several Freemasons. Tom Brady commented, "Yeah, I was good on Monday night... fantastic in fact... but Belyea has me on a team with Sims-Walker, Marcedes Lewis and defensive players who score ZERO points... what the fuck does he expect!?!? I'm good... but not a god damn miracle worker!!!"

More on this as it develops.  

*** Not actually Tweeted by the Ochocinco News Network

STUDS OF THE WEEK: Updated

Be sure to see who makes up the Studs of the Week for week 1.  Then be sure to head to the league home page to vote for the Stud of the Week.  The winner may or may not receive a Sloop!

2011 COACH POWER RATINGS: Updated

Take a look at the sidebar on the right to see this Power Rankings after week 1.

Coach Abbot takes the top spot, after his huge game against Riggins.

Be sure to see how your team ranks!

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS: Updated

The Records have been updated...and Coach Chris Bell takes over the spot of Winning-est Coach of All Time.

Meanwhile, when it comes to scoring, no one does it better than Coach Cam and the Royale w/Cheese.

Update from The Onion on Fluffernutter QB Roethlisberger

Ben Roethlisberger Close To Completing Offseason Without Committing Sex Crime

MARQUEE MATCHUP: Royale W/Cheese VS. Ochocinco's Roommates

Realignment happened over the offseason.  The new Columbia City Division was added, and no one was happier to move into this new division than the Eddie Royale W/Cheese.  The Cheese had tried unsuccessfully to win the Queen Anne Division both years of its existence.  Coach Cameron Robertson is the only coach to make the Playoffs in all 3 years of the leagues existence, but has yet to hang a Division Winner banner.

Ochocinco with French Futbol Player Daniel Gomez

Coach Dan Gomez of Ochocinco's Roommates takes over the reigns of the Artist Formerly Known as the Ballard Kittens.  Gomez coached last season in the Blue Ribbon Developmental League: The Michelob Ultra League.  Gomez coached the Chad Johnson's New Names to a record of 1-1, just missing out on the playoffs by 3 games.

These two coaches know each other well, and will both be hoping to steal the week 1 victory.  Losing this game will make it difficult to keep pace in the division with the defending champion Purple Hurricanes.  The Hurricanes start the 2011 season against The Counselor.

The Cheese/Roommates matchup is your classic Offense versus Defense clash.  The Cheese feature top PBR league QB Aaron Rodgers and also the WR tandem of Andre Johnson and Brandon Lloyd (the top WR in the PBR last year for the Hurricanes).  The Roommates counter with athletic defensive studs Jerod Mayo, Mario Williams, Eric Berry, and the return of Elvis Dumervil.

Blog prediction: This one is a tough one to call.  But, being both teams feature a player in their team name, we will make the call on Ochocinco vs. Eddie Royal.  Neither team employs their namesake, but Ochocinco is still a bigger threat than Eddie Royal.  Therefore, we pick The Roommates to win 85-19.  (Get it?  Like the numbers of each receiver!)

MARQUEE MATCHUP: Soup Can VS. Freemasons

COACH BELL LEADS THE SOUP CAN

The Seattle Blue Ribbon League loves to start off the season with Rivalry Week, and there may be no bigger rivalry than the Soup Can/ Freemason match.  Not only does this game usually bring out more trash-talking than any other, but it brings out remarkably close scores as well.

In 2009, The Soup Can squeaked out a victory at home 95-92.5.  The Soup were able to overcome a 21 pt game from Freemason Tom Brady, and they did so in that old school Soup Can way.  They rode Maurice Jones-Drew for 17 pts, and a combined 27 pts from Peyton Manning and Tony Gonzalez.  The Soup Can rode this victory not only to the Ballard Division championship, but all the way to a runner-up finish in the Championship Game.

The tables turned in 2010.  The Freemasons took advantage of the home field advantage at the Masonic Lodge, and pulled out a 118.5-117 victory.  It was a controversial game:

With the Freemasons down by 4.5 points, Tom Brady (Freemasons, 22 pts) drove the team down the field. On what should have been the final play, Brady rolled right and tossed the ball up on 4th and 12 from the Masons 40 yd line.  Bob Sanders and Mike Sims-Walker each had a chance for the ball and the game winning points.  In a remarkable play neither player touched the ball.  They just stood and looked at each other, as they were both trying to score 0 pts and have a chance at The Most Improved award week 2.  Coach Belyea was furious and stoned, Coach Bell was joyful and stoned.  Until, a flag hit the field.

"Too Many Men on the field.  Defense.  Replay 4th down," the ref said.

"I do not consider Jonathan Stewart a man.  He only scored 1 pt...he shouldn't count," Bell said as he tried unsuccessfully to sway the refs opinion.  Bell then decided to pull his entire team from the field, and said, "Fine.  Trying scoring without ANY men on the field."  The Freemasons did try, and succeeded to score a Touchdown with no time left on the clock and take the victory 118.5 to 117.


It was a tough game for the Soup Can to lose, and the Freemasons went on to take the Ballard Division crown.  In a weird coincidence, the Freemasons followed the Soup Can with a runner-up finish in the Championship Game.  Meanwhile, the Soup Can had their worst season to date, and in turn, a roster overhaul this off-season.


The game will no longer feature Brady vs. Manning...unless it is Eli Manning.  Coach Bell jettisoned the aging Peyton Manning in favor of Matt Schaub.  The Soup Can also added Larry Fitzgerald and several young playmakers on defense.  The Freemasons return most of their 2010 lineup, with Brady, Chris Johnson, and Ahmad Bradshaw looking to burn the Soup.


The winner of this game has swept the season series each season, so each coach knows what is at stake.


"I'm in LOVE!  I am in LOVE with my team!" Coach Bell was heard shouting.  We here at the Blue Ribbon League Blog are in love with his team too.


BLOG PREDICTION:  Soup Can stun the Freemasons at home with a 112-101 victory. We predict big performances from new QB Matt Schaub and his pass catchers (Fitzgerald, Austin, Pettigrew)...big enough performances to seal the victory.

ALL TIME COACHING RECORDS: Updated

The Pretty Boys are still the highest winning team of all time...will this be the year they get caught?

The Royale W/Cheese are still the highest scoring team of all time...can anyone score enough crackers to catch them?

Look at the Updated Coaching Records in the Sidebar on the Right.